For those of you who clicked on this post because of it’s title…SHAME ON YOU!
This blogpost is of course detailing my experience of Greyhound racing on Friday and not what your filthy, filthy mind had hoped it would be discussing…
So basically, some friends and I had bought some vouchers to go greyhound racing quite some time back (it included sausage and chips, a major plus in our books) and decided that this Friday was a good evening to go. I had been to the dogs before, but seemed to have repressed the memory of losing…all of the time. I had forgotten how incredibly unlucky I was when it came to our speedy, skinny, canine friends (out of three trips to the dogs, I can remember one win).
I started off with high hopes, betting on the dogs with funny and/or jazzy names (Eamon was my favourite). With each loss I became more bitter and enjoyed my friends’ (multiple) wins less and less and felt very much the wet blanket.
My friends attempts to quell my bad luck were unsuccessful, the words, “this dog has one every single race he has ran in,” were uttered… A controlled experiment was carried out with that same race, whereby my friend and I bet on that dog and if he lost, there was clearly a jinx upon me…needless to say, the dog lost.
The nail in the coffin was when I chose a dog in the final race and didn’t bet on him.
The fecker won.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I recently bumped into comedian David O’Doherty in a pub in town due to a confusion leading to him assuming I was a member of the DU Comedy Soc Committee…I am not…
Anyway, long story short he told my friend and I that he was working on a book of pun crosswords with a “lady friend” he was seeing at the time (I later found out she was singer/songwriter and former uncredited band member of Damien Rice, Lisa Hannigan). He tried out some of his pun clues on me that night and not having the greatest deal of crossword talent, I was delighted to find that I seemed to take to them like a duck to water….So when I came across the following article in the Irish Times, I couldn’t WAIT to fill in the crossword…
DAVID O’DOHERTY, and musician and tobogganist LISA HANNIGAN present a
new genre of ridiculous puzzle for Christmas
WE ARE BOTH terrible at crosswords. Despite being the children of champion crosswordists, we have failed to grasp even the most basic principles. No amount of explaining will ever make sense of phrases such as: “If it ends in a B that means it’s an anagram and the person has glasses,” or, “Look, an exclamation mark beside an F. So it’s a word of French derivation that rhymes with itself.” Like learning to drive and enjoying olives, getting good at crosswords was supposed to just happen when we got older. It hasn’t.
Maybe because of this, we both love puns. There are no sophisticated rules to punning, no indoctrination is necessary. In fact the crappier the pun, very often the funnier it is. Which member of Destiny’s Child could you jump up and down on at a children’s party? Beyoncé castle! What’s that film where Keira Knightley goes to get a printer cartridge during the second World War? Atonerment!
So we have attempted to create the first pun-based crossword. The kind that we might be able to do, if we hadn’t invented it. We’ve put the genre of answer in brackets. It’s generally the most obvious thing. So, “Jerry Maguire, reveal your simian to me! (Movie quote – 4, 2, 3, 6)” is “Show me the monkey”. “He knows when to hold ’em, knows when to fold ’em, knows when to be the biggest town in Donegal” (Singer – 11,6) is “Letterkenny Rogers”.
We have really struggled with a title for our creation. It was nearly Time and Pun-ishment, we thought about Pun for your Life, Pundora’s Box, Happiness is a Warm Pun. In the end we say climb aboard our punderly wagon. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Pun Intended. DO’D
PUZZLE
ACROSS
2 Michael J Fox goes back in time to look after his red flowering bushes (film – 4,2,3,7)
7 He looks wonderful tonight, especially standing in his church (musician – 6,7)
10 Yellow? It’s got stuff growing on it! (band – 9)
13 Nicholson and Cruise, don’t touch my elk! (film quote – 3,4,6,3,5)
17 The alien with the minor dermatological skin ailment (film character – 1,1:3,6,11)
20 When I’ve found what I’m looking for, I’ll pay you back (band – 1,1,1,1)
21 Bogart’s very warm and cosy house (film – 11).
DOWN
1 The artist formerly known as ground beef (musician – 5)
3 The salvation of a wrongly imprisoned cut of meat (film – 3,4,5,10)
4 This Notorious rapper’s meaning was open to interpretation (rapper – 9,6)
5 The Boss of the evergreens (musician – 6,11)
6 Steinbeck’s very powerful bagless hoover (book – 2,5,3)
8 Madonna doesn’t like to be lectured by a thin Indian crispbread (song – 8,6)
9 Rumours of something fishy in this bed-hopping 1970s band (band – 9,8)
11 Short Star Wars robot, from Donnybrook (robot – 1,1,1,1)
12 She’s far too young to laugh out loud (book – 6)
14 Icelandic singer’s favourite chocolate bar. It’s not for girls (musician – 7)
15 Lonely cat sings to the tune of Just One Cornetto (song – 1,4,4)
16 Hey Beach Boys, don’t try riding a wave on that computer connector cable! (song – 6,1,1,1)
18 Camp Star Wars robot with a personal hygiene problem (robot – 1,1,1,1)
19 How long is a piece of The Police? (musician – 6)
Filed under: Film, Friends, I should really be sleeping right now..., Time use
I’ve always loved going to the cinema; there’s something very satisfying about seeing a decent film in the cinema and terrible films never seem as bad in the cinema as they would do if you were to watch them on TV or on DVD. Sure, you may feel like you’ve wasted 106 hours of your life (*cough* A Serious Man *cough*), have yet again been conned by the irish film institute (Goldfish Memory) or that maybe spending the day in your pyjamas writing that essay that isn’t due for a month wouldn’t have been such a terrible alternative (Ocean’s Thirteen) – but imagine how you would have felt if you had had to sit through the dreadful film on anything BUT the big screen??
Two weeks ago, I went to see the oscar nominated 127 hours for two reasons:
1) Out of curiosity – I wanted to see how Danny Boyle would make a film that had been received with such rave reviews out of the story of a guy trapped in a cave for 5 days…and what it was like when he hacked off his arm with a blunt knife and pliers of course
2) James Franco
Now while I wasn’t disappointed with the first reason – the film made truly compelling viewing, with Boyle making use of various forms of monologue and flashbacks to develop the main character while keeping the audience in suspense. Let’s just say despite the film being based on an autobiography, I had a bit of titanic complex towards the end of the film, wondering how it was going to end.
Franco, however, despite deserving his oscar nomination, began to lose his appeal to me. This week, this appeal was reinstated when I saw him on Kimmel looking GREAT and talking about how he’s currently doing a PhD while starring in gazzillions of films and preparing to host the oscars, as one does…I was back to my pre 127 hours Franco swoon. Look at him there, with his bear, havin’ the LOLs…
Next, I went to see Love and Other Drugs after a friend’s husband pleaded with me to take her to it so that he wouldn’t have to. There was one good thing about this film: Jake Gyllenhaal.
Now I realise I may sound like one of those girls who just goes to films purely because there is a relatively attractive member of the opposite sex in it, but you have to give me this one. The film was woeful and Jake Gyllenhaal looked fantastic (my friend announced at the start of the film that she didn’t like him, halfway through the film
that he wasn’t so bad, by the end of the film that he was growing on her and later that day that she couldn’t stop thinking about him (I didn’t tell her husband…!). The plot was thin and predictable, the characters undeveloped and rather annoying and the portrayal of parkinson’s disease in the film is really rather insulting to people who live with it on a daily basis (the film showed people at various levels of parkinson’s disease with varying levels of tremor and barely even alluded to the possibility of additional symptoms or effects on daily living, reducing them to caricatures of a poorly researched disease). But Jake looked great – so I enjoyed the film somewhat.
Finally my most recent trip to the movies was to see the critically acclaimed and oscar nominated Black Swan. Why? Well to see what all the fuss was about and also to see how “psychological thriller” and ballet could combine in an award winning film. I was not disappointed (I was however, freaked out and afraid of a small cut on my finger for a few days afterwards – you’ll understand when you see the film).
Portman is extremely convincing as Nina, the lead ballerina in a revamped version of Swan Lake – where she plays two parts of contrasting personalities. Her drive to succeed leaves her (and the viewer) paranoid and self destructive
(maybe not the viewer so much on this one) and provides truly enthralling viewing, even if you are watching through parted fingers over your eyes at times. Definitely worth a watch to see Portman (right – looking well!)’s stunning performance.
All in all it’s a mixed bag in the cinema at the moment – next stop is The King’s Speech.
Filed under: Chit Chat, I should really be sleeping right now..., Rant, TV
Yes, it has been a while, and no – I don’t have an excuse!
So at the moment I’m suffering from a somewhat mild(to moderate) gilmore girls addiction. I know what you’re thinking, programme about mother and daughter with inappropriate “bff” type relationship…
….too hallmark for my liking. I would have agreed with you up until recently, and to an extent, I probably still do, but there’s just something about it that has me hooked*.
*Definition of hooked for use in this context: expresses anger and frustration when confronted by megavideo statement reminding one that one has watched 72 minutes of video today and must wait 30 minutes in order to continue watching. Finds pointless activities to entertain self while waiting for said 30 minutes to end while constantly refreshing page to see how many minutes are left, questioning whether the timing is in fact accurate and/or plotting how to trick megavideo into thinking one has just watched 72 minutes of video.
But as with all tv/film/book series by the same writer/director/author, too much at one time can make you find teeenie weeenie things about them that annoy you, as if your body wants you to stop watching all of gilmore girls/all four die hard movies/reading all seven harry potter books and so starts planting needling offenses in your head to slowly but surely take down the enemy text. The following is my list of annoyances/questions about Gilmore Girls that have arisen in the duration of my addiction:
- They constantly order coffee – rarely seem to drink it and I don’t think I’ve ever seen them actually sit there long enough to finish a cup
- They’re supposedly poor – yet they always eat out
- Coffee pots remind me of Gilmore Girls
- Luke’s hair
- They speak extremely quickly (see below)
- The stupid Rory dropping out of Yale storyline – they were obviously getting desperate
- They get wasted whenever they have two or more alcoholic beverages
And yet as I write I have another window open with a fresh episode waiting for me to watch it (season 6 episode 3)…answers on a postcard for something to follow up season 7 with before the withdrawal symptoms kick in…
I was recently added by a couple on facebook. They didn’t both add me with their individual accounts; no they added me with their joint facebook account, which I thought was both creepy and impractical.
I hate to go all Carrie Bradshaw on you, but is a joint facebook account the new joint chequeing account? Is it the step before sharing a house together? Most importantly, why on earth would you bother with such a move? There are many issues I have with this…I’m gonna say phenomenon because I can’t think of any other word, despite my only having seen one such case.
- People find it difficult to change their relationship status on facebook following a break-up; in this case, would they have to reach some sort of custodial agreement? “I get the account on Mondays, Wednesdays and every seconds Saturday but can only upload photos on Sundays…”
- I only met one half of the couple, so now I am not only friends with a couple, but I’m friends with a couple that I technically haven’t met before…
- Clearly, neither of them will ever have facebook freedom of speech, won’t be able to add anyone the other doesn’t like/approve of/feels threatened by
- I’m slightly offended by it, and it brings to memory the episode of SATC when the couples are at war with the singles and Carrie comes out with that GOLDEN line, where she equates that war with “the war in Northern Ireland”, because “we’re really both on the same side.”
This is something I can only hope will not catch on, or you will be subjected to more SATC style rants in the future, and possibly some sort of petition that joint facebook accounts be given their own separate social networking site…
Except these two…because they’re great…and an optical illusion…
Most people spend the June bank holiday relaxing, sunning themselves (as a result of the rare “leaving cert weather” phenomenon, Ireland tends to have relatively decent weather this weekend…today however was an exception to the rule), just chillin’ you know, the usuals…I however, spent yesterday bog hopping.
Bog hopping is something I had heard mentioned before, but had never actually bothered to find out more about, as I just assumed it involved frolicking about the place, hopping from bog to bog followed by a grand cupán tae and some hang sangwitchez. It is not.
What I hadn’t imagined bog hopping to consist of was me, basically wading around in smelly fly ridden mud, which was sometimes up to my chin and spending at least 45 mins of the hour and a half (or two hours or lifetime or whatever it was that we spent in the bog) completely unable to move my legs. It was like being stuck in cement…that was just about to set…
The secondary school boys that were assigned to be our guides (sadists), advised me to pull my legs free with my arms…unfortunately only one leg could be done at a time, causing the other leg to slip further into my boggy/cementy possible future home if I didn’t get my legs out soon. I began to see some rationale in Homer Simpson’s quote above in the title, as he is sinking further into a tar pit.
Eventually I managed to loosen one leg, and was pulled out of the bog, like a monster of the deep by the two guides. I had somewhat envied the guides their job before this part of the day (cruisin around, playing with adventure centre type activities, throwing mud at people etc)…but after watching them drag me and most of my fellow bog hoppers (some of whom were larger than others) out of the smelly people eating mud puddle that made people weigh at least 4 times their own weight…I was happy enough to stick to the day job.
Long term effects of bog hopping – My whole body hurts. But in fairness, it was great fun and I’d totally do it again…at least now I know what to expect…!
*Trying being the operative word
**It is highly likely that this will not last longer than one week…
So I finally decided that I’m unfit. Turns out I should be able to run for a bus without almost dying in the process, or climb a fairly gentle (albeit very boggy and very gorsey) slope without taking regular lengthy breaks…in order to do this, most people give up smoking, but unless I take up smoking and then give it up…maybe that might be a tad drastic…
I’ve decided I’m going to make an attempt at least to get myself fitter this summer (not necessarily fit, just fitter, surely that can’t be that hard, no?). Rather than making major plans and goals for the next three months, which I would inevitably ditch after a week, I’m taking it week by week, giving me less time in which to ditch my goals.
This week:
- 2 x dancerobics classes with crazy sadistic mohawk haired lady
- Daily hula hooping
- Bit more walking…I’d like to quantify this, but I feel the other two are easier to stick to for the moment…
Dancerobics
I attended my first class on Monday, with a friend of mine who apparently doesn’t know her right from her left and could possibly be a selective ambi-turner. Felt useless during it, felt GREAT after it and my thighs still hate me for it today. The woman was a sadist, but also an absolute genius, and I look forward to embarrassing myself again in tomorrows class; it’s gonna be GREAT! Unfortunately it is a college term class and so there are only two left, but I am currently researching a replacement…
Hoola Hooping
It’s under rated. I’ve been taking lessons from my 7 year old cousin. Unfortunately, the only tip she could give me was, “wiggle your belly backwards and forwards and not round and round…”
Walking More
I had great plans for this, which I unfortunately have yet to follow up on…someday…
Procrastination to the max 